The Unlikely Relationship Advise for a Thriving Partnership

What does the 2^nd law of thermodynamics have to do with your life? The 2^nd law states, “For a spontaneous process, the entropy of the universe increases.” What is entropy? Entropy is a tendency to more disorder, chaos, and loss of energy. In plain words, it means that if left unchecked, things tend to get worse, including relationships.

Now here is the good news. Add a CATALYST. Do you remember in chemistry class? Add a catalyst to a reaction that would not have originally happened and BOOM the reaction occurs at an exponential rate. I kept hearing the word COMPASSION today. I believe compassion is the CATALYST that is the softer, more yin, and overlooked aspect that will heal, revive, and create a more deep, loving and trusting relationship.

We often approach our problems with force such as fighting it, so it goes away. When we don’t get our needs met, or our partners have done something that doesn’t feel quite OK, our subconscious feels threatened or unsafe. The default response in the nervous system is to shut down or fight. Closing our hearts, giving our partners the cold treatment, or getting in a “me versus you” mentality is not healthy and leads to more ENTROPY in a relationship.

Humans are wired to focus on problems as a protective mechanism. But what if your reality is really 20% problems and 80% wonderful things? How can you see the entire reality of your life and focus on the 80% of wonderful things, shifting away from the feeling that 80% of your life are problems? Let’s practice COMPASSION as the CATALYST for a re-start.

Instead of fixating on NEGATIVE things:

-He doesn’t do thing things he promised

-She keeps nagging me

-He blames me for unfair things

-She does not respect me

-He always gets angry

-She is too sensitive

This fixation gets you more of what you don’t want. What we focus on, we get.

Instead think compassionate positive thoughts and watch the reality inside of you shift. This provides the CATALYST or activation energy for your relationship to start thriving. Here are some examples:

-My partner actually did this because they cared about me

-While my partner could learn more of my love language, they did the best they could to show love to me the way they know how.

-My partner should not have reacted this way, but I choose to believe it is not personal, they were about bit stressed today. Let me show them some love so they feel better after a bad day. (Watch how this type of compassion can shift the dynamic.).

-Just like how I would like to recharge after hard work, I realize my partner would like some of that as well. I will give them the space they need and trust they will be able to be present for me in a better way later.

-I choose to remind myself that my partner loves me. The more we emphasize what we want and already have, the universe will give you more of that. The magic is gentleness, tenderness, love, forgiveness and compassion. Watch how much more initiative and good will your partner will have towards you as you both live as a team in togetherness, trust and love. To sum it up: “Do to others as you would like them to do unto you.” Mat 7:12

If you are needing help with your relationships, healing past wounds or traumas that interfere with your life and health, please reach out to me, and we can come up with a plan of how to help you move forward and let go of the past so you can thrive in the present.

How Does Stress Affect Your Stomach?

Does Relationship Stress Relate To Digestive Problems?

Have you noticed that when you are in a healthy relationship that your physical health is generally better? Have you seen a friend who is going through a rough patch in their relationship and you see their physical health declining? Relationship stress does affect physical health and here’s the medical reasoning for this. According to Guyton’s Textbook of Medical Physiology, stress affect over 12 different body systems. Today we talk about how stress affects your digestive system. Photo Credit Filip Bunkens

“To be or not to be, that is the question”. Should I call him or not? Is it too soon? What does she think about me? I like them a lot, and sometimes I get a really nice text and sometimes I’m not sure how important I am to them. Did I do something wrong? These are some very common internal fears and conversations that go on in the head of our single folk. 

Now if you are married or in a steady relationship there are different issues that go on in a relationship that can be stressful, such as seeing blind spots in your partner that you really want them to change. But if they don’t change, it bothers you more than them! 

Perhaps one partner is too overbearing and nagging. Perhaps one partner does not feel they are a priority in the relationship and feels neglected. Perhaps there are disagreements in how to raise children. Over 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. I believe a key to being and staying in a happy and fulfilled relationship is getting the tools that we may not have had growing up. Then taking small consistent action to love and honor your partner, so that you have a thriving relationship.

Let's talk about how stress affects your digestive system. 

How does stress affect your Stomach?

When you are stressed, your nervous system shifts to the fight and flight response known as the sympathetic nervous system. In the sympathetic state, you do not feel safe and the body shifts to survival mode. In survival mode your blood flow goes away from the digestive system. Imagine in the olden days if a bear chased you, the last thing you should do is start snacking. This is pure physiological adaptation. 

If less blood supply goes to your digestive system, digestion is not as effective, and nutrient absorption is compromised. If improperly digested food sits too long in your gut, it rots, producing more bloating and gas. Stress also induces more inflammation in the body, so there will be a higher chance of IBS and ulcers. 

Stress also increases the production of a hormone cortisol that can affect the nervous system control to the immune system. Since 70% of your immune system is in the GI tract, stress can make you more susceptible to dysbiosis (imbalance of bacteria or yeast in your gut), as well as susceptibility to infections from bacteria, parasites, or the bacteria H. pylori associated with GERD.

I’ve seen so many patients who are incredibly hard on themselves. When they don’t feel loved the way they want in relationships, they may sometimes change themselves based on what they assume will make themselves more attractive to their partner. They may tend to have thoughts revolving around themselves not being enough. I’ve seen thriving people quickly spiral down this path within a few weeks of emotional stress, and perhaps develop digestive problems. 

Ayurvedic Help for the Stomach

In Ayurveda, the Solar Plexus or 3^rd Chakra is associated with our will power, healthy sense of who-we-are, self-worth, and confidence. There are 7 Chakras in our body; they are concentrated energy centers in our body that relate to different aspects of us. The Solar Plexus is located just above your navel in your abdomen and this energy center is connected to a healthy digestive system. Repressing your emotions, losing a sense of identity, or feeling not good enough is linked to a weak solar plexus. 

To strengthen the solar plexus so that you increase energy and healing to your digestive tract it is first very important to see, believe and love the beautiful person you are. Value who you are. 

Second, breathe energy into your abdominal area. You may feel that the breath is blocked and does not reach that far down into your belly. That is OK, keep imagining moving your breath down your belly and it will come with some practice. While you breath into your abdomen, imagine a light that is re-igniting and reconnecting you with who you are, and start to feel the strength and confidence that comes with that. Do this for 5 minutes twice daily. Third, you can use lavender or lemon balm essential oils to rub on your solar plexus to help release the knot in your stomach.

Chinese Medicine Help for the Stomach

If you tend to feel angry or frustrated often in your relationship, these emotions are often related to a liver and gallbladder imbalance according to Chinese Medicine. This means that the energy flow to these organ meridian paths is blocked and does not mean that you have liver or gallbladder disease. The beauty about herbal medicine is that not only does it have specific biochemical scientific mechanisms whereby it can correct certain disease states in our body, but the herbs also have an energetic personality, which when matched correctly with a patient’s constitution can be very specific and effective in balancing any physical problem that is also connected to emotional stress patterns. Photo Credit Jacki-Dee

The herb Bupleurum is very good for helping with sluggish digestion, supporting the liver, and decreasing the “yucky” feeling in your stomach as well as helping with decreasing stress associated with anger and frustration. You can find Bupleurum in this wonderful stress formula called, Tran Q by Metagenics. Please seek medical advise from your doctor before using any information contained in this article.

If you tend to have a lot of racing thoughts and unable to quiet your mind, constantly dwelling on the “what ifs”, it is very likely you are Yin Deficient according to Chinese medicine. Yin is important to help you stay grounded, calm, peaceful, and positive. Yin also is important to help one fall asleep as well as bringing energy to the digestive tract. If you are Yin deficient, the herb Rehmannia is very helpful to bring more grounding and nurturing to the body. The herb Polygala Root is helpful to give strength and willpower to withstand difficult or stressful times gracefully. I like the formula Serenagen by Metagenics, which contains both these herbs. 

You can get Tran Q and Serenagen here:

http://modernintegrativemedicine.com/supplement-store/

I have been blessed to change many patients lives, often turning around debilitating stomach, intestinal problems in one to two months by giving the body natural treatments based on their specific individual case and the latest cutting edge scientific research. Remember if you are stressed in your relationship, that the answer is right in front of you. Work with your relationship coach. Start seeing outside of your box and expand your perspective. Start experimenting with letting go of any thought that does not give you life, freedom and joy. You can have a life with a joyful and fulfilling relationship. There is hope you can heal if you have a physical illness. Remember consistent action gives results.