The Unlikely Relationship Advise for a Thriving Partnership

What does the 2^nd law of thermodynamics have to do with your life? The 2^nd law states, “For a spontaneous process, the entropy of the universe increases.” What is entropy? Entropy is a tendency to more disorder, chaos, and loss of energy. In plain words, it means that if left unchecked, things tend to get worse, including relationships.

Now here is the good news. Add a CATALYST. Do you remember in chemistry class? Add a catalyst to a reaction that would not have originally happened and BOOM the reaction occurs at an exponential rate. I kept hearing the word COMPASSION today. I believe compassion is the CATALYST that is the softer, more yin, and overlooked aspect that will heal, revive, and create a more deep, loving and trusting relationship.

We often approach our problems with force such as fighting it, so it goes away. When we don’t get our needs met, or our partners have done something that doesn’t feel quite OK, our subconscious feels threatened or unsafe. The default response in the nervous system is to shut down or fight. Closing our hearts, giving our partners the cold treatment, or getting in a “me versus you” mentality is not healthy and leads to more ENTROPY in a relationship.

Humans are wired to focus on problems as a protective mechanism. But what if your reality is really 20% problems and 80% wonderful things? How can you see the entire reality of your life and focus on the 80% of wonderful things, shifting away from the feeling that 80% of your life are problems? Let’s practice COMPASSION as the CATALYST for a re-start.

Instead of fixating on NEGATIVE things:

-He doesn’t do thing things he promised

-She keeps nagging me

-He blames me for unfair things

-She does not respect me

-He always gets angry

-She is too sensitive

This fixation gets you more of what you don’t want. What we focus on, we get.

Instead think compassionate positive thoughts and watch the reality inside of you shift. This provides the CATALYST or activation energy for your relationship to start thriving. Here are some examples:

-My partner actually did this because they cared about me

-While my partner could learn more of my love language, they did the best they could to show love to me the way they know how.

-My partner should not have reacted this way, but I choose to believe it is not personal, they were about bit stressed today. Let me show them some love so they feel better after a bad day. (Watch how this type of compassion can shift the dynamic.).

-Just like how I would like to recharge after hard work, I realize my partner would like some of that as well. I will give them the space they need and trust they will be able to be present for me in a better way later.

-I choose to remind myself that my partner loves me. The more we emphasize what we want and already have, the universe will give you more of that. The magic is gentleness, tenderness, love, forgiveness and compassion. Watch how much more initiative and good will your partner will have towards you as you both live as a team in togetherness, trust and love. To sum it up: “Do to others as you would like them to do unto you.” Mat 7:12

If you are needing help with your relationships, healing past wounds or traumas that interfere with your life and health, please reach out to me, and we can come up with a plan of how to help you move forward and let go of the past so you can thrive in the present.

What are Small New Year Changes that can make a Big Difference

Happy New Year, it’s already 1 week into the new year! Now is a time a lot of people like to make New Year’s Resolutions. But 23% of people have already quit by 1 week, and only 36% make it to the 1 month according to a US statistic. But I believe in you! You can do better than that and make this year one of momentum, success and health. You can get what you desire without it being overwhelming. Here are some Tips that I hope will be helpful and inspiring to you:

Don’t

-Make a long list of things to NOT do (you may feel like a little kid being told you can’t do something), and it probably won’t work.

Do

-Choose only 1 thing you can add to your life that will make it better.

-Set a time and time frequency you will do this (For example working out M, W, F after work).

-Anchor it to an activity you already do, so it is easier not to forget it if possible. (For example, meditate for 10 minutes daily after breakfast. If you usually eat breakfast, you make the meditation a habit that goes along with your breakfast). Photo Credit Aaron Davis

-Add another thing you would like to do ONLY AFTER you’ve achieved the first consistently. It will be very tempting to make a list of a few things to change, but often that leads to falling short. Feeling behind is not a fun feeling and people sometimes end up giving up on everything. Instead if you only focus on 1 thing, and do it well, you will start to feel a sense of accomplishment. This sense of achievement feels good and serves as a fuel and motivator for when you are ready to implement the next thing. Everything starts getting easier.

“Slow down and take things 1 step at a time”

Emotions:

We are all human and have emotions. That is what makes life colorful. Sometimes some emotions get in the way of our productivity, our health, and our relationships. I was listening to something the other day and was reminded that:

“Emotional pain lasts 20 minutes, the rest is self-inflicted.” -Manu Shahi

It is humbling to realize that we create most of our own suffering. It is easier to blame our suffering on our circumstances, or what someone did or said to you. But if we can remember to reel in our thoughts so that what we think is true, lovely, life giving, and full of gratitude, this mental state is the fuel for creating positivity in your life and powerful to shift out of what no longer is acceptable.

A strong spiritual state, a strong mind, and resilient emotions are what makes you successful, whether your focus is on more money, more resources, improved relationships, or health. When you take the time to grow in this aspect, the rest comes so much more easily. Let me know if I can help you with any of these aspects. If there is an imbalance in your life, don’t settle and make excuses for it. Even if you don’t see a solution, perhaps seeking the help of the right professional can exponentially speed up and simplify the path to your goals. Happy New Year!

Worry and Fears about Your Health Issues

Is Fear about your Health Condition Overwhelming you?

Of course, no one wants to have a health issue or have to deal with it. The physical suffering is painful, but for some, the emotional worry that comes along with it, can be paralyzing. Some of my patients tell me that no matter how hard they try, some thoughts just come and they cannot get rid of them.

-What if it gets worse?

-What if I’m going to be like this forever?

-Last time I had a health issue was a bad experience and I’m afraid it’s going to turn into that.

-What if no doctor can help me?

-Do these symptoms mean there is something wrong with me?

-I have discomfort here… what if it is this______ condition?

-what if I’m going to get worse?

Do you think these thoughts have a positive or negative impact on your outcome?

Why do we even have these thoughts? Our bodies know something is wrong and is programmed to problem Nervous System Balancing. Energy Work from the Comfort of Your Home solve and to fix. Fear is an instinctual survival mechanism, that works as a warning that something is wrong. Back hundreds of years as hunter gatherers, fear worked to alert us to survive, and run away from danger. Physical movement such as running detoxifies the “fight and flight” hormones such as cortisol.  Therefore, back in the day after people “ran”, their bodies returned back to baseline.

Today we often sit in worry without the need to physically “run”, and so cortisol stays in the system longer, giving a prolonged sense of anxiety or doom. Fear may have been an instinctual way to handle problems as a child or modeled by adults who raised you. We all want to do something to make it better, and there is a false subconscious feeling that if we think about the problem and worry, it will somehow mean you’re keeping tabs on it. And somehow control it. But this is not true.

Fear is a conversation you have with yourself that only gives you distress. Faith liberates and heals.

So how do you get out of anxiety or worry mode?

When you are at peace and relaxed there is less inflammation, your hormones are more balanced, your immune system works more optimally, it is easier to gain muscle mass, your body is more alkaline, and your body has the ability to heal faster. We all want to do something to make it better.

Sometimes not worrying feels like you’re accepting your fate and giving up. That is why it is so hard to let go. When you let go of stress, you are not resigning your goal to get better. But when you let go of stress, you are letting go of emotions that make you sick. This is what you can do. Think thoughts that make you well. It is doing something good.

Some patients are aware of everything I just said, but have difficulty controlling their thoughts. The anxiety seems to be a state that the body seems locked in. I can help you re-set your nervous system, and release deep seated emotions from certain organs or areas of the body. Many patients are amazed at the shift they feel after a session. They feel so much lighter, freer, calmer, happier and that what they need to deal with is now manageable and solvable. Some of the energy work can even be targeted to accelerate healing of certain physical conditions. Please reach out if I can support you this way, or if you have any questions how this can work for your specific situation.

“Faith and Fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose.”

-Bob Proctor

No More Toxic Make Up Removers

Usually I’m able to wash off my makeup with a natural cleanser and water. But some waterproof eye makeup can be difficult to remove without a product. Many makeup removers contain chemicals like isohexadecane, poloxamer 184, benalkonium chloride, methylparaben, sodium benzoate etc. Photo Credit Sunshinecity

It isn’t necessary to ingest toxins for them to enter your body. The skin has a high absorption rate. In fact there are approximately 60,000 deaths per year in the US due to transdermal exposure, and 860,000 occupational reported illness from transdermal absorption of chemicals. Depending on the type of chemical and area of the skin anywhere from 8-70% can be absorbed trans dermally.

Most make-up products are not going to cause immediate issues and are considered “safe”. But the question is how safe? Many products are endocrine disruptors which means they can contribute to hormonal imbalances. Some products such as Vaseline are a petroleum-based product (like gasoline). Some chemicals may cause irritation, inflammation and dryness of the skin.

Well I discovered something a couple weeks ago and want to share with you. It’s very simple. Start with a warm soapy cleanser. Then apply an olive oil, bees wax, vitamin E type of salve to the areas you would usually need a make-up remover. Let the natural salve soak for about 1 minute and everything gently wipes off. It doesn’t need to be a synthetic oil based make-up remover to work. Natural oils work too! I was so happy when I discovered this and wanted to share it with you.

What is True Freedom

Happy Memorial Day! As we remember those who have fought for our country’s freedom today, it can also be a time to reflect on the health of our personal freedom.

-Do you feel like you have freedom?

-Does your health keep you from being a part of what means the most to you?

-Do you feel trapped by your own thoughts in your head and desire emotional freedom?

-Is something in your life not OK, but you’ve allowed it to continue?

-Is there something you desire, but you feel it is impossible to have?

If you are doing fantastic, I am so happy for you. If you are struggling, know that this too will pass. The first step in change is realizing that you want something to be different. I’ve found 2 roadblocks to getting what you desire, and if these are overcome, it is so easy for good things, like health, weight loss, freedom from anxiety/depression, improved relationships, and financial abundance be possible. Let’s overcome the 2 roadblocks.

1.     Lack of follow through. What is true freedom? Is it to do whatever you want, whenever you want? Maybe not. If a kid wants to stick their fingers into the electric outlet, they will get hurt, you tell them no. As adults, true freedom is having the discipline to do what leads us to lasting happiness, satisfaction, and purpose. Having the ability to say no to food cravings will help you feel better and look better. Giving up the comfort of watching TV and going for a walk will give you more energy. Having the ability to stop negative spiraling thought patterns will allow you to get out suffering sooner. Having the ability to think thoughts that serve you will get you want you truly want so much faster.

2.     Lack of control over your feelings and thoughts. Many of you have tried therapy for years talking about the same sort of things but don’t feel it really works. While helpful for insight and understanding about the situation, often our nervous systems are locked into programs since childhood.  Or traumas or negative experiences program our brains into either fight and flight (always being on guard, anxiety, protecting ourselves), or into freeze mode where we are paralyzed to move forward. Techniques that help rewire the nervous system is so helpful to making it so much easier to finally have control over your thoughts and emotions. Helping your nervous system feel safe to make change is what makes you able to change. If your brain wants to change, but your nervous system tells you it is not safe to, then the survival response wins and you are fighting yourself. The good news is there is a way to re-wire your brain to your advantage.

I encourage you to take some time for reflection this Memorial Day. You are worth it, beautiful, valued, important and deserving. You can have good things and good health. Summer is coming and a new season. It’s a good time to make some positive changes. Let me know if I can be of help to you in any way.